2.2.17

I’ll take care of my fragile heart

and overcrowded mind.

I’ll take off my mask

and let my love show.

This is a strange revelation

to be so aware of my facade

and shifting within.

 

This image is glimpse of a holiday years ago in the country.

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Alone

The choice to move away from every face and place I have ever known.

Out into the unknown I stepped, leaving peace and comfort behind.

At first it was like a holiday, my heart in denial, I couldn’t fathom I would have to stay.

Then slowly it appeared .

The realisation I had to stay. 

Alone for the time-being.

But growing less so by the day.

No one can warn you how it feels

because it is so unique to each person.

To my friend it was silent tears at night and withdrawing from social interaction.

I had moments of avalanche, uncontrollable misery crashing down on me.

To another it was a simple negative attitude towards everything.

I am learning to plant myself and grow here.

When all my instincts want to fly home and continue growing in soil that isn’t meant for me.

Break

How strange to see ones circle back

and others away, never to be seen.

I was too free with my heart,

lending it to anyone who set it alight.

Now they are gone, 

taking my memories with them.

People are wrong to think only a lover can break your heart.

 

Is that all it was to you?

To not even be part of your occasional,

let alone your everyday.

You are a ghost now,

gone to the person who couldn’t share.

 

We shared our darkest and loved still,

but it wasn’t enough to keep you.

We let go for a second 

and now you’re lost in the fog.

I doubt we’ll ever meet again.

27.9.16

A thought I wrote a few months ago and rediscovered :

“The startling emotion of future becoming past.

Time developing and hearts growing,

slipping into the rhythm of life.

Crazy highs and unexpected lows,

unrelentingly charging me down.

Am I really in control?

Or is this all playing itself out?

Thoughts unfolding into action,

without any consideration.

Regret and envy pursuing every spark and motion,

but only I get to choose.

When everything that is coming is gone,

what will be left of you?”

Arrival

I don’t think you would ever quite understand how the sky sends its rays of light down in this island

how the houses tower high and the trees paint the city colourful

the roads are wide and sun bleached

colours that are unique to a scorched land, tones that are only visible under these beams of light

at night my eyes stare at the opposite side of the galaxy to yours

and different city lights twinkle in the distance

the cut and paste skyline is made by a different inspiration

I never contemplated how it would feel to live here not just stay

Hometown Misery

How can I describe my home to you?

When you’ve never tasted the smog in the sweltering heat of summer,

its polluted fumes dancing in your lungs.

You have not known the hum of the city,

its bustling essence always there but never noticed,

a constant reminder of lives in motion.

You will never know what it’s like to have music flow through your veins like lifeblood,

a heritage so rich but undiscovered by the world,

the heartbeat of my city is a history lesson in music.

You don’t know what it’s like to have 8.63 million hearts colliding daily,

each story a testimony of love, joy and loneliness.

Summer of Sixteen

Summer of sixteen

we found each other.

Determined not let the grief overwhelm

and desperate to be older simply to sing the song.

As the hazy sun never faltered,

all I remember is your hammock

and the trees.

Consumed with thoughts of who we would be,

well thats not exactly true,

boys took up space too.

We were so fearless and bold.

Unconventional.

True.

We were wild and free, living our tangled lives.

All our darkness bleached clean in the joyful sunshine.

I can still taste our companionship,

living as best as we could

and revelling in the mystery.

 

3.3.17

Here I am, stepping into the unknown and putting myself out there. For months I have wanted to publish my writing and I’m now taking a leap into the unknown through sharing what I express in private. Moving to Sydney a month ago has pushed me to break the walls I placed on myself and take ownership of the opportunities that are available to me. I hope that my posts are able to help people who, like me, struggle to express emotion and through this I can document the journey I am embarking on.

25.2.17

How are we so quick to inflict shame?

A lightbeam graced in skin,

is now trodden down

to a list of wrongs

and a darkness she could never be.

It hurts to know 

she thinks of herself 

through a misted glass of shame,

when on the other side,

calling out for her to see

is her beauty

 and her wonderfulness

if only she’d see.