Know This

I hope you know…

That your value is not determined by the number on the certificate,

nor the money value held in keeping.

Your ability to provide for your family does not affect your worth.

Each human being is created unique and priceless,

the life decisions, the education or character does not change that.

I hope you know that the person spending their life away on drugs,

with no education or income and abandoning their family

has the same value as the white privileged male

who just won the nobel prize for charitable works,

who has a successful family and business.

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Father

Father,

The ever present companion.

Even when your physical form couldn’t be beside me,

your thoughts were.

From my beginning you never failed to be devoted,

teaching and guiding me into my own.

No-one will ever know what it was like to have you.

Even my siblings saw you paint another picture,

as your love is unique.

The kindness you personify is only second to your faithfulness.

It’s strange to think that you were once just a child,

because your depth of character is so constant.

But if you could grow into the fortress that you are,

I hope I can too.

 

I know life forged a different story for you than the normal,

but as gold, you were only purified by the fire.

Rising above the infirmity that held your body captive

and revealing faith can actually move mountains.

You endlessly give strength,

to those who cannot even whisper for themselves.

 

I hope one day you will understand,

you are wonderful in every way

and you have taught me how to be who I am.

 

Thank-you.

H

A melody that penetrates to the core,

the memory of your laugh.

It dances across my thoughts,

I can almost hear it in its absence.

As you slip through my mind,

like a ghost in a haunted house,

I sense my fury rise.

Why did we have to depart from each other?

Your face I can no longer see,

but your voice remains.

How did we fall into different eternities?

 

_______________25.6.17________________

_

Sweat it out.

Exercise your mind into compliance.

I can’t taste the bitter bile that usually comes with this emotion.

Why do I always find myself here?

Completely enraptured in suppressed and denied rage.

When will I learn to acknowledge my feelings that don’t fit the pretty cookie cutter?

Here I am. Weary.

Years of this has taken its toll on my heart.

Funny that in a flicker an entire view can change.

Where did that flicker leave me now?

A snowflake that started an avalanche.

_

______________Distraction_____________

_

Funny, isn’t it.

How you were a stranger,

then an enemy,

now friend

and possibly more.

When did the sparks catch?

I did not notice it myself …Did you?

How frustrating to my pride

that you would have so much in common

nearly all my aspirations and dreams are matched

who are you?

Where did you come from?

Why do I have to be intrigued?

I don’t want this to become love

but you’re an intriguing distraction.

_

28.11.16

An entitled life to live,

They scream “More, now”.

To act as though blameless

And verging on deity.

a mindset of “Accept me now”.

“I will not change who I am”.

Then answer me.

Who will carry this world into the future –

Not by intelligence but character.

Who is going to act out,

Real humanity in love.

When the world is addicted to lust.

Desire –

But no backbone.

A flying fish crashing into rocks.

 

 

1.6.17

Isn’t it funny to think, that moving to the opposite side of the globe could feel so casual.

As my friends keep reminding me, its no little thing and couldn’t bring themselves to do the same.

To be honest I don’t see the drama, I won’t lie it does hurt and ache in moments but this doesn’t feel like the end of the world.

That even this is doesn’t seem completely alien, reveals a thickness of skin I never knew.

Maybe it’s because I was made for this? To be an adventurer away from the home comfort, to walk into the unknown and distant. What is yet ahead of me?

 

 

Bittersweet

Sitting there, waiting.

As people rushed past to catch their flights, the occasional teary eyed passenger saying goodbyes to solemn friends and family. We sat at a greasy table in pregnant silence, consuming overpriced, watery coffee and pastries. My brothers making dad jokes to lighten the mood but instead emphasising the weight of this pause.

For the first time in my life we small-talked, mentioning awkward news and facts, we had become distant before I had even left.

I saw you trying to hide your sobs by queuing for another drink, but I couldn’t face acknowledging it because it would make this moment real. As mum went to ‘pay for your drink’ everyone did their usual cover-the-bluff as if to hide the emotions that were plaguing the departure gate.

In hindsight, I notice, no one asked about things far off maybe because we didn’t want to admit to ourselves the truth of 11 months without me visiting home.

It was awkward for you to go back to your everyday life and see my absence in every space I used to fill. But I was stepping into a new unknown, everything was without you, so I did not feel the absence just yet.

So here we sat together, but our thoughts far away. Waiting. Counting down the moments till I had to go.

And then it came. It was as though there was no one in the big white building apart from us, I don’t remember any other sound than the words that caught in our throats. Tears finally came to me for the first time as the numbness left and could feel it pierce.

One last turn to say goodbye and then everything came crashing back into sound and colour as I stepped forward towards the surreal motion of the conveyor belts.

“Please remove any coats and jackets and wait till called through”

Space

I can’t lie,

seeing captured moments don’t help

I’m sad more than anything

that I can’t see the grey brick I’m used to

I just wish it was 10,556 miles closer

why can’t it be a breath away?

people lie when they say it’s a small world

I want to be home

I want to see everyone I love

and all the places I know